End of the Beginning
by Mr.Mellow
Summary: This is how I imagined a conversation between Castle and Beckett would go if one particular scene was changed. And how that one change would impact many lives. A little AU, as if it wasn't obvious. ONE SHOT.


A/N: Pieces of this story came to me over the weekend and wouldn't let me continue without getting it written. I hope it is acceptable to you, the reader.

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC television. No infringement is intended.

The mid October morning was clear and cool. The sun was out warming the grounds around him. Rick Castle walked slowly up the hill toward a park bench. He was coming to see Kate, his Kate, his muse. He sat down on the bench on the far end away from her. He leaned down looking at the ground with his hands and arms between his knees as if praying. He set the newspaper he was carrying beside him on the bench.

"Hey," he said. "Kate, I have some news to tell you." Rick picked up the newspaper and held it open to page one to show her. The large headline said "Sen. Bracken Arrested", underneath was a sub that said "Multiple Count Indictment." Below the headlines was a picture with the District Attorney in front of a number of microphones. There were a large contingent of people around behind him.

"Kate, if you look closely, I'm up there toward the left side of the picture. The DA was kind enough to include me in the press conference."

"If you were there you would have laughed hard at that one. The same guy who borrowed a police horse and rode it nude was in front of the courthouse with the DA. Not the one being the arrested, I was the one making the case to have Sen. Bracken arrested."

Rick paused with the story. He continued to look at the ground and ran his hand through his hair.

"I find it ironic that one time I am involved in really good news it is not on page 6 but on the front page. Alexis says I've moved up in the world," Rick chuckled.

"By the way, Alexis said to say "Hi". Mother also sends her regards."

"Alexis said she thought this was the beginning of the end of Bracken. I thought about how long the trial will go on and the appeals and it occurred to me this was just the end of the beginning."

Rick briefly glanced over toward her and then looked down at the ground again.

"Kate, you were right about Tom Demming. He transferred to homicide shortly after … well, you know. Anyway, he was working this case hard. He felt it was his mission. He helped put all the pieces together. He found the couple of clues that put all the other clues together. Once we had that, Bracken's designs began to unravel. It was like pulling that one thread and the whole thing came apart. The DA was really mad that one of his predecessors was so corrupt. The DA wanted a case so tight that there was no way for Bracken to escape. He is probably going to get the needle."

Castle picked up his head and looked out toward the horizon. "If you look, he is just to my right," Rick said pointing to the picture on the front page. "Demming is a really good guy. You were right about him. He's married now. I understand that he has a kid on the way."

Rick continued, "I met his wife once. Really cute girl. I can see the love between them. I think they'll have a good life together. Sorta what I wished for with you."

He paused. Looked down at the ground again trying to control his emotions. He noticed the still green grass on the ground, untouched from any freezing temperatures.

"I've been seeing Dr. Burke. He has helped me a lot. Ryan has been going to him, too."

Rick hesitated, "Esposito was going for a while. He really took it hard. He said it was his fault that it happened. Lanie agreed with him. That caused the fissure and it just grew until they couldn't stand to be together anymore. That happened about a year ago. Did she tell you about what happened between them? Have I told you about this? I can't remember. I have been so focused on the case, now that it is over, I feel a great weight lifted off of me."

Rick continued uninterrupted, "Kate, I haven't heard from Esposito for a while. He left the force, you know. I didn't see him for a little. When he came back, I found him a job with a friend. You always laughed that "I knew a guy". Well, in this case, I did."

Rick paused again. He looked out at the autumn day. The birds that hadn't left on their long winter's trek south were singing around them. Rick noticed the various hues of the remaining fall leaves rustling in the wind. Many leaves were on the ground as if waiting to be raked up into piles for kids to jump into.

Rick resumed, "I think he is travelling a lot. Lanie says she hasn't heard from him since the fight. Ryan doesn't hear much from him either. I think he is having trouble coping. Or maybe, this is his way of coping with it."

Rick collected his thoughts and then continued, "I saw Josh the other day, too. You mentioned it once, I think. In a city of 8 million people what are the odds of running into someone you know on the street, but, as you said, it happens all the time. Josh and I buried the hatchet after the incident in the hospital. You know, the day … the day you were … were shot at Montgomery's funeral. He came to understand that you wouldn't be … couldn't be who you wanted to be without solving your mother's case. And he understood that I was just trying to help. I wasn't pushing you. I hope you believe that, too."

"Anyway, Josh was preparing to leave for another "Doctors Without Borders" thing. He said he was only in the city for a few days and leaving for another couple of months or so. It was weird, as if the universe was trying to set both our minds at ease before he left. He said he hadn't been in the city much since … well, you know. He said he probably wasn't going to come back to the city. He was thinking he may want to practice in Florida. I told him that he ought to go there and learn golf. I figure most doctors in Florida spend a lot of time on the links," Rick chuckled.

"I mentioned golf to Dr. Burke. Apparently he is one of the few doctors that doesn't play golf. I thought that was part of a doctor's core curriculum. "Essentials of Putting", "Beginning Driving", and the ever popular "Hole-in-one Dance," Rick joked imagining medical school golf classes.

Rick sheepishly continued feeling a Beckett stare, "Sorry, I digressed there didn't I? I have been talking a lot here, haven't I? I know, most of the time I come here and hardly talk about anything because the Bracken case was so draining. But it is over now, and I have time to talk. I hope you don't mind listening to me."

Castle looked out at the edge of the grounds and looked around, everywhere but at her trying to come up with the words to continue. He stood up and took a few steps away from the bench running his hand through his hair. He pondered how to continue.

"I know I haven't been here for a while. In fact it has been all summer since I came by. Dr. Burke told me to come to talk with you though, Kate. He thought it would help."

Castle stopped pacing and sat back down on the bench, still trying to continue. He quickly glanced over and then back to the ground again leaning forward on the bench. He leaned back looking heavenward for strength.

Coming back to a more normal position on the bench looking out toward the edge of the grounds, he continued, "There's a reason I haven't been by for a while. I don't know how to tell you this …."

Castle hesitated. "Ok, here goes. Although I had been working on the case, in another office that the mayor set up for me. Gates was even cool with it. I think she was glad to get rid of me. Anyway, she allowed Demming to help me some as long as it didn't interfere with his other cases. This spring, on the anniversary of … well you know, I ran into Lanie. I hadn't seen Lanie in a long time because I wasn't active in homicide anymore. Well … We left and went to "The Old Haunt" to catch up. We did drink a bunch. The next thing I know I am waking up in the loft in my bed and I am nude. I felt another warm body in my bed but it didn't smell of cherries, I miss that, you know. She smelled good with a vague formaldehyde aroma. It was Lanie, naked in my bed. Please don't be mad at her. We were drunk and upset and one thing apparently led to another. I felt terrible. I felt like I betrayed you. Lanie did too at first."

"I talked with Dr. Burke about it. He said it was nothing to be ashamed of. We were two people needing connection to each other. He helped me get past the guilt. He helped me with Lanie, too. Anyway, Lanie and I are now in a relationship … I think. It is more than a "friends with benefits" kind of relationship anyway. I see what you saw in her, why she was your friend. She is a fascinating woman. And, I know you're rolling your eyes at me. She isn't fascinating because she has a chest, although that is nice, she is fascinating because of her background, where she has been, what she has done in life. But you know that, why am I telling you?"

Castle looked down again.

"Kate, I think I could love her. I've talked to Dr. Burke about this, about being around her because I miss you. She thinks the same thing."

There was a noise from the street that caused Rick to look up. When he recognized what it was and it wasn't anything out of the ordinary, he resumed looking at the ground.

"Maybe … well, maybe she could be my "third time's the charm" like you said at Ryan's wedding. You probably know this by now, but at one time, I thought it would be you."

Still not glancing over at her, Rick continued, "Lanie's good with that though. She understands. She knows that there will be a part of me … of my heart that is yours, always."

"But she said that as long as there is a part of my heart that can be hers, she can live with the fact that there is a part of me that she'll never have. She's willing to share with her best friend."

"Lanie still thinks of you as her best friend, you know. I hope you can still think of her as a friend, too. As your best friend. I hope you can forgive us both … for being together."

Rick finally looked over at her beyond the other end of the bench.

There was a simple granite marker.

It said:

Katherine Houghton Beckett

New York City Police Detective

Killed in the Line of Duty

Born: November 17, 1980

Died: May 7, 2012

"Kate, I … I miss you. Even though it has been two years and as happy as I am over these past few months with Lanie, I still wish you were here."

Rick sat down on his knees in front of the marker running his fingers through the engraving on the granite. He wished he was running his fingers through her chestnut, cherry scented hair instead of the cold hard stone.

Castle said, "Ryan told me about it. Dr. Burke encouraged him to tell all of us what happened that day. We met at the loft, Espo, Lanie, Ryan, Jenny, Alexis, mother and I. We must have gone through dozens of boxes of tissues. Even though it was hard on Esposito and me, I think it was hardest on Ryan. He saw you fall and watched you hit the ground in that alley. He just missed grabbing your hand there on the roof of that SRO. He kept on beating himself up about not being there a split second earlier to grab your hand … to save you. Dr. Burke and Jenny helped him cope with the remorse".

"Dr. Burke also asked me to forgive myself for our last words together. I didn't want you to throw your life away. I left with the words "I'm done." But Kate, I was never done with you. I just hope you can forgive me."

Castle stood up and brushed the dirt and leaves off of his knees.

"Kate, you know, I still love you."

With tears in his eyes, as he turned and walked away, he said, "Goodbye, Kate. I miss you."


End file.
